Why Ren Ellis Made Her List

There was a time in my life when chronic pain was the center of my focus, the center of my days, and my central reason for considering suicide. Three years after my chronic pain ended with a hysterectomy, I know that even the darkest of times can come to an end.

If my 25-year-old self could speak to my younger, suffering self, would I tell her the same words others told me then, though they brought no comfort at the time?

“Hold on. Things will get better. I promise.”

I didn’t believe those words in the midst of my pain. If you are contemplating suicide, you probably don’t believe them either. After all, life offers no guarantee of improvement. So I offer these words instead: there is beauty in the world worth living for.

Even when depression and hardship blur that beauty or mute its colors, remember the good things in the world, including the little things. These are my 25 ”reasons” for finding beauty in this life.


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